Five.

Today, my boy is five.

I get melty at the thought of it.
I have murmured around the house this week, wondering how all his baby-days could fly away and be gone forever so quickly.  Dave tells me he's taking Levi from me:)….and all of the sudden it feels like a rite of passage to 'become dad's son' more than 'mama's baby'.



When Levi was born, I was as weak as I've ever been physically for about a month.  In so many ways, my weaknesses as a mother linger on, well-sustained, and I get proud and wonder Why can't I just be better at this, Lord?
But, oh how faithful God has been to us. Wide faithfulness spanning five little years.

Levi, I would be different person without you in my life.  You are surely a gift.  
I'm so privileged to be your mom.
But I know you will keep having birthdays (as often as I jest that you can't)…
And I know you really are not mine.

I want you to be one of the best men that ever lived—to see God and to reveal Him to men. This is the burden of my prayers. My whole being goes out in passionate entreaty to God that He will give me what I ask. I am sure He will, for the request is after His own heart. I do not pray that you may 'succeed in life' or 'get on' in the world. I seldom even pray that you may love me better, or that I may see you oftener in this or any other world—much as I crave for this. But I ask, I implore, that Christ may be formed in you, that you may be made not in a likeness suggested by my imagination, but in the image of God—that you may realise, not mine, but His ideal, however much that ideal may bewilder me, however little I may fail to recognise it when it is created. I hate the thought that out of love for me you should accept my presentation—my feeble idea—of the Christ. I want God to reveal His Son in you independently of me—to give you a first-hand knowledge of Him whom I am only beginning to see. Sometimes more selfish thoughts will intrude, but this represents the main current of my prayers; and if the ideal is to be won from heaven by importunity, by ceaseless begging, I think I shall get it for you."  
-Forbes Robinson

May it be so, buddy.
Happy Birthday!

Spring Beauty.

 “The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing — to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from — my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back.” ― C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

“Death opens a door out of a little, dark room (that's all the life we have known before it) into a great, real place where the true sun shines and we shall meet.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

"We do not want merely to see beauty….we want something else which can hardly be put into words- to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it."  C.S. Lewis

Saturday found me wandering in this sanctuary of a garden called The Grotto a mile up the road.  It sits on a cliff, looking out toward Washington…..surrounded by city life and busy roads…..but like an enormous, peaceful, hidden gem.  

At first, it rained, and I went undercover….spying a rainbow land right in the Columbia River for a long spell.  When it disappeared in the sunlight, I walked the garden. 

I thought about this magical wonderland God made and listened to the gospel proclaimed endlessly in my ear (thank you, Elyse Fitzpatrick). 

I thought about how this beauty grips us….and why?

I thought about how all beauty is from Him and of Him. 

And how He made us this way to worship….Him.

How unworthy we are, like the lowest citizens….wiping His feet with our tears….and getting it all wrong….and how He delights in us, a like a treasured possession….just inviting us in to sit with Him in all our weak moments.

And how one day all of it will be written on my heart forever. No more of the striving and the forgetting. Forever.

"The heavens declare the glory of the God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.  Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.  There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.  Their voice goes out into all the earth"  Ps 19:1-4

"Splendor and majesty are before Him, strength and beauty are in His sanctuary.  Ps 96:6

"Every experience of beauty points us to infinity." -Balthasar

To Please the Child, To Paint the Rose.

.....a few pics from our 'lately'....
.....attempts to enjoy these last few days of summer's slow schedule....

Summer Sun

Great is the sun, and wide he goes
Through empty heaven with repose;
And in the blue and glowing days
More thick than rain he showers his rays.

Though closer still the blinds we pull
To keep the shady parlour cool,
Yet he will find a chink or two
To slip his golden fingers through.

The dusty attic spider-clad
He, through the keyhole, maketh glad;
And through the broken edge of tiles
Into the laddered hay-loft smiles.

Meantime his golden face around
He bares to all the garden ground,
And sheds a warm and glittering look
Among the ivy's inmost nook. 

Above the hills, along the blue,
Round the bright air with footing true,
To please the child, to paint the rose,
The gardener of the World, he goes.

-Robert Louis Stevenson

Expectation.

(tomatoes-in-waiting)

Through the night of doubt and sorrow
Onward goes the pilgrim band,

Singing songs of expectation,

Marching to the promised land.

Clear before us through the darkness

Gleams and burns the guiding light;

Brother clasps the hand of brother,

Stepping fearless through the night.

-Bernard S. Ingemann

We fight not for ourselves alone.  

These are they -our brethren- the cloud wherewith we walk encompassed; 

it is for them that we wrestle through the long night; 

they count on the strength that we might bring them, if we so wrestle that we prevail.  

The morning that follows the night of our lonely trial would, if we be faithful, 

find us new men, with a new name of help, and of promise, and of comfort, 

in the memory of which others would endure bravely, and fight as we had fought.  

Oh! turn to God in fear, 

lest through hidden disloyalty we have not a cup of cold water 

to give those who turn to us for succor in their sore need!

-Henry Scott Holland

Some days are filled with a sense of waiting for things unseen.  No fruit on the vine.  Discouraging news of a friend.  Tragedy.  These quotes bring life to weary bones in the midst of a fallen world.....the remembrance that we are waiting for something REAL.  We are just pilgrims in a messy place.  To think that our song is one of expectation, and not of worldly sorrow and despair.  To think that my response is not disconnected from the faith and endurance of those around me.....

What mysteries surround the life of a believer.  What comfort that God is doing far, far more than we can know or imagine.  And what joy to sing a song of expectation.

Even so, Lord quickly come

Bring thy final harvest home.

Gather all thy people in

Free from sorrow, free from sin.

Contentment.

Your soul is exercised and enameled with the graces of the spirit, 

and is this not enough to give contentment?

Grace is of a divine birth; it is the new plantation;

it is the flower of the heavenly paradise;

it is the embroidery of the Spirit;

it is the seed of God;

it is the sacred unction;

it is Christ's portrait in the soul;

it is the very foundation on the which the superstructure of glory is laid.

Oh, of what infinite value is grace!  

What a jewel is faith!

Well may it be called "precious faith" (2 Peter 1:1).

What is love but a divine sparkle in the soul?

A soul beautified with grace is like a room richly hung with tapestries or the firmament bespangled with glittering stars. 

These are the true riches;

and is not there enough here to give the soul contentment?

-Thomas Watson, The Art of Divine Contentment

Advent.

Thee, O Immanuel, we praise,
The Prince of Life, and Fount of Grace,
The Morning Star, the Heavenly Flower,
The Virgin's Son, the Lord of Power.

With all Thy saints, Thee, Lord, we sing,
Praise, honour, thanks to Thee we bring,
That Thou, O long-expected guest,
Hast come at last to make us blest!

Since first the world began to be,
How many a heart hath long'd for Thee;
Long years our fathers hoped of old
Their eyes might yet Thy Light behold:

The prophets cried; "Ah, would He came
To break the fetters of our shame;
That help from Zion came to men,
Israel were glad, and prosper'd then!"

Now art Thou here; we know Thee now,
In lowly manger liest Thou;
A child, yet makest all things great,
Poor, yet is earth Thy robe of state.

From Thee alone all gladness flows,
Who yet shall bear such bitter woes;
Earth's light and comfort Thou shalt be,
Yet none shall watch to comfort Thee.

All heavens are Thine, yet Thou dost come
To sojourn in a stranger's home;
Thou hangest on Thy mother's breast
Who art the joy of spirits blest.

Now fearless I can look on Thee,
From sin and grief Thou sett'st me free;
Thou bearest wrath, Thou conquerest Death,
Fear turns to joy Thy glance beneath.

Thou art my Head, my Lord Divine,
I am Thy member, wholly Thine,
And in Thy Spirit's strength would still
Serve Thee according to Thy will.

Thus will I sing Thy praises here
With joyful spirit year by year.
And they shall sound before Thy throne,
Where time nor number more are known.

-Catherine Winkworth

Giving Thanks.

O My God,
You fairest, greatest, first of all objects,
My heart admires, adores, loves You,
For my little vessel is as full as it can be,
And I would pour out all that fullness before You in ceaseless flow.
When I think upon and converse with You
Ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up,
Ten thousand sources of pleasure are unsealed,
Ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart,
Crowding into every moment of happiness.
I bless You for the soul You have created,
For adorning it, for sanctifying it,
Though it is fixed in barren soil;
For the body You have given me,
For preserving its strength and vigor,
For providing senses to enjoy delights,
For the ease and freedom of limbs,
For hands, eyes, ears that do Your bidding;
For Your royal bounty providing my daily support,
For a full table and overflowing cup,
For appetite, taste, sweetness,
For social joys of relatives and friends,
For ability to serve others,
For a heart that feels sorrows and necessities,
For a mind to care for my fellow-men,
For opportunities of spreading happiness around,
For loved ones in the joys of heaven,
For my own expectation of seeing You clearly.
I love You above the powers of language to express,
For what You are to Your creatures.
Increase my love, O my God, through time and eternity.
-Valley of Vision

So much to be thankful for, more than I even know, and all of it undeserved......

May you all enjoy a contented holiday this weekend.  We are so blessed.

On House + Home.

We have lived in our new home for over six months now.  Being in and caring for my home brings me a lot of joy, so the (albeit slow) process of settling in and nesting has been so fun.  I really love the decorating part.  Over the years, I've experienced a lot of confusion pertaining to how valuable or worthless this enjoyment of decorating is.  Obviously, in the scheme of things, it's pretty superficial and not of great eternal value!  My wise husband has encouraged me in conversations along these lines to develop a more robust theology of the matter and thoughtfully consider what place it has in the Christian life.

I hope to include some things I learn regarding this, as well as house pictures/decorating ideas, as time goes on.

I found this prayer about a year ago and have not forgotten its wise words.  So, let's start here:

Lord God, our home is among the most precious gifts we receive in this life.

We realize this all the more as we remember our Lord Jesus. He set aside home and family. Having no place to lay His head throughout His ministry, he chose to sojourn among those He came to save. We prayerfully invite Him to dwell in our earthly abode even as He continually invites us by Word and Sacrament to dwell forever in our heavenly home, which He prepares for us.

Make us ever grateful for this shelter from life’s storms.

Keep this house always the home of comfort, joy, peace, and forgiveness.

According to Your will, protect this home from the spiritual assaults of Satan, but likewise make our home a fortress against the calamities of nature and the wickedness of sinful man.

Grant us the virtue of hospitality, the joy of harmonious living, and the blessing of gathering around Your Word and bringing our families’ prayers before You.

May all who dwell in our home be blessed by Your presence and Your peace,

and may all who go forth give thanks for the grace they receive from You, through us, Your dear children

We receive Your loving kindness in our home as a reminder of the eternal home we inherit through Your Son, Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray.
        Amen.

Sauvie Island & the littleness of Man.

 

'The Lord our God hath showed us His glory' 
Deut 5:24

..."Among the huge Atlantic-waves of bereavement, poverty, temptation, and reproach, 
we learn the power of Jehovah, because we feel the littleness of man.  
Thank God, then, if you have been led by a rough road: 
it is this which has given you your experience of god's greatness and loving-kindness.  
Your troubles have enriched you with a wealth of knowledge to be gained by no other means:  
your trials have been the cleft of the rock in which Jehovah has set you, 
as He did His servant Moses, 
that you might behold His glory as it passed by.  
Praise God that you have not been left to the darkness and ignorance 
which continued prosperity might have involved, 
but that in the great fight of affliction, you have been capacitated for the outshinings of His glory in His wonderful dealings with you."

C.H. Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

I will be their God.

June got all my attention for a short while yesterday, which is pretty rare for this third-born.  Something about caring for her in this moment filled me with joy....and I'm pretty sure one of these photos will land itself in a hallway for years to come.

I have described this season of life to some lately as dynamic, (i.e. "characterized by continuous change, activity, or progress").  Within the course of a day, I can experience total elation, complete discouragement, indescribable joy, undone-weariness, and so much in between.  Of course, this is largely due to my fallen nature and meant to show me my need for God and His goodness to me....

...and I think it's working!  He has been sweetly faithful lately to remind my soul of the point.  His Glory.  The larger story.  My transformation to Christ-likeness. My utter need for Him, and His great delight in being gracious toward me because of Christ's death.

Now, for a moment, 
let us consider the exceeding preciousness of this great mercy:
'I will be their God.'
I imagine that God Himself could say no more than that.  
I do not believe if the Infinite were to stretch His powers and
magnify His grace by some stupendous promise that could outdo every other, 
that it could exceed in glory this promise:
'I will be their God.'
O, Christian, do consider what it is to have God as your own!
Consider what it is, especially in comparison with anything else...
'I will be their God' is the masterpiece of all promises.  
It is the capstone of all the great and precious things that God has provided for His children.
If we could really grasp it, 
if it could be applied to our souls so that we could understand it, 
we might clap our hands and say, 
'Oh, the wonder! Oh, the glory!  Oh, the graciousness of that promise!"
It makes a heaven below, and it must make a heaven above.  
Nothing else will ever truly be needed except this:
'I will be their God.' 

-C.H. Spurgeon

Look up.

O heart bereaved and lonely,
Whose brightest dreams have fled
Whose hopes like summer roses,
Are withered crushed and dead
Though link by link be broken,
And tears unseen may fall
Look up amid thy sorrow,
To Him who knows it all

O cling to thy Redeemer,
Thy Savior, Brother, Friend
Believe and trust His promise,
To keep you till the end
O watch and wait with patience,
And question all you will
His arms of love and mercy,
Are round about thee still

Look up, the clouds are breaking,
The storm will soon be o'er
And thou shall reach the haven,
Where sorrows are no more
Look up, be not discouraged;
Trust on, whate'er befall
Remember, O remember,
Thy Savior knows it all


- Fanny Crosby (words)

I'm not feeling too 'bereaved and lonely' this morning, but the promises in this song are such a sweet reminder of our Savior's care and love....even in my petty trials.  Perfect for a Monday morning.  Let's do this!

Friday Musings.

I don't have much energy to write today.....

there's so much happening around here....

so much I've been thinking about....

so much on the to-do list.

But life is good.

We've landed in the new house and now we're just trying to make a home out of it.

I love it. love, love it.

I might never leave:).

Everything is chaotic. Schedules are out the window & the kids are trying to adjust to a new place, sharing rooms, etc. It feels like 'normal' might never come back....

And yet I've been pondering how when these monumental life changes occur, enjoying the process and making good memories along the way is such a unique opportunity. It's not every day you move into the place you plan to raise your kids (or have a baby, or get married, etc.). It's so easy to want to skip this part and just have everything in it's place and a routine and the painting finished and the boxes put away. But I will look back and forget the to-do lists. I will remember the joy of playing hide and seek in boxes . They joy of creating our home. The joy of eating around our table together.

Easily said....harder to do.

I'm a weak mess. But He is strong. And His grace is sufficient.

Made perfect in my weakness.

Kind of mind-blowing when I come to think of it....what comfort.

Come ye needy, come and welcome;

God's free bounty glorify;

True belief and true repentance,

every grace that brings you nigh.

Without money, without money

Come to Jesus Christ and buy.

Popping In.

I've spent the last few days gallivanting around with a visitor from the south....driving along the coast, eating fresh ice cream, exploring, thrifting & enjoying late-night fellowship. We ended her sweet visit here last night with dark chocolate & conversation at Moonstruck....can't complain about any of THAT.

Meanwhile, over the weekend a new typography print was posted over at Beautifully Rooted. It's a free printable, so go on over and grab yourself a copy:)...and ponder the comforts of our Lord this Monday!

Found.

It's been a while since a "found" post.....but here's a few things we've been enjoying lately.

I listen to a LOT of worship music. Music has always been a near-constant in my life....and worship is really serving me in this season of motherhood to renew my thoughts and wash me in the Word. That said, I don't love a lot of worship music....and it tends to lose it's appeal after time (like anything else in a fallen world, I guess). I found a new-ish hymn collection from Leigh Nash (yeah, you know...."kiss me.") and we've been listening to it a lot. Eadie Cate asks for "the new Come Thou Fount" every morning.

This isn't super new, either, but I'm just now getting around to Collision....a documentary featuring atheist Christopher Hitchens (who recently passed away) and pastor Douglas Wilson as they engage in an ongoing debate about Christianity. It will leave ya feeling like you used your brain for sure:).

I also really enjoyed this post recently about shame.

And this new online mag for women called Beautifully Rooted features lots of artistic, creative, Christian women writing on various topics. I'm pretty intrigued about how creativity merges with the Christian life in an others-focused, God-glorifying way (as opposed to a materialistic, self-glorifying way)....so I look forward to reading more!!

That's all for now....

Anything you've been enjoying??

Flowing Streams.

As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while they say to me continually,
"Where is your God?"...

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God...

By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me.

-From Psalm 42
_____________________________

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

-Louisa M.R. Stead

Seven Months.

June-June is seven months now. Part of me wants to deny it and just hope it's not passing by that quickly, but that's not how it works.....so I'm trying to just eat her up and enjoy her with thankfulness. Having her has filled me with praise this year in a unique way.
She's eating like a hoss, though still pretty tiny (weighing in at 12 lbs 13 oz.).
She eagerly laughs at the smallest entertainment.
She's starting to sleep completely through the night.
She grew her first two teeth just this week, and then, last night, while Dave was upstairs with the others ......
She sat up all on her own. She drank a bottle & cuddled & talked to me & then...sat up.
I *may* have even gotten a little teary.

In the midst of teething & kid battles & cooking & messes & laundry, etc., etc., etc.....it was a quiet-miracle-kind-of-moment just watching this little new person grow and change. And out of nowhere....awe and gratitude fill your soul.

"Are there physical places that simply must be seen before I stop breathing within time, before I inhale eternity? Why? To say that I've been arrested by wonder?
... These very real lungs will breathe in more than 11,000 liters of air today, and tonight over our farm will rise the Great Hexagon of the blazing winter stars....and I will embrace the skin of a boy child that my body grew from a seed. The low heavens outside the paned windows fill with more snowflakes than stars, no two-stacked crystals the same; the trees in the wood draw in collective green breath to the still of January hibernation, and God in the world will birth ice from His womb, frost of heaven...and number again the strands on my head.
Isn't it here? The wonder? Why do I spend so much of my living hours struggling to see it? Do we truly stumble so blind that we must be affronted with blinding magnificence for our blurry soul-sight to recognize grandeur? The very same surging magnificence that cascades over our every day here. Who has time or eyes to notice?"

-Ann Voskamp