Five.

Today, my boy is five.

I get melty at the thought of it.
I have murmured around the house this week, wondering how all his baby-days could fly away and be gone forever so quickly.  Dave tells me he's taking Levi from me:)….and all of the sudden it feels like a rite of passage to 'become dad's son' more than 'mama's baby'.



When Levi was born, I was as weak as I've ever been physically for about a month.  In so many ways, my weaknesses as a mother linger on, well-sustained, and I get proud and wonder Why can't I just be better at this, Lord?
But, oh how faithful God has been to us. Wide faithfulness spanning five little years.

Levi, I would be different person without you in my life.  You are surely a gift.  
I'm so privileged to be your mom.
But I know you will keep having birthdays (as often as I jest that you can't)…
And I know you really are not mine.

I want you to be one of the best men that ever lived—to see God and to reveal Him to men. This is the burden of my prayers. My whole being goes out in passionate entreaty to God that He will give me what I ask. I am sure He will, for the request is after His own heart. I do not pray that you may 'succeed in life' or 'get on' in the world. I seldom even pray that you may love me better, or that I may see you oftener in this or any other world—much as I crave for this. But I ask, I implore, that Christ may be formed in you, that you may be made not in a likeness suggested by my imagination, but in the image of God—that you may realise, not mine, but His ideal, however much that ideal may bewilder me, however little I may fail to recognise it when it is created. I hate the thought that out of love for me you should accept my presentation—my feeble idea—of the Christ. I want God to reveal His Son in you independently of me—to give you a first-hand knowledge of Him whom I am only beginning to see. Sometimes more selfish thoughts will intrude, but this represents the main current of my prayers; and if the ideal is to be won from heaven by importunity, by ceaseless begging, I think I shall get it for you."  
-Forbes Robinson

May it be so, buddy.
Happy Birthday!

SNOW.

I haven't left the house for days, and this magical little wonderland of a neighborhood, covered in white, has been the sweetest wintry respite.

I was *more than a little nervous* for Dave's long & late commute home Thursday.  This blizzard-display can only make you feel your small-ness and His great-ness.  I am so much more dependent than I think to recall…..such tiny, powerless little people.

And then we were all together to settle in for warm food and warm blankets (and a drippy roof, that showed a little weakness with all that ice on top…we couldn't blame him:).

When the snow stops falling, everything is whispery quiet.
But Friday morning held the perfect-thick-powder for sledding….
and scads of neighbors were everywhere with sleds and snowboards and cross-country skis.

The kids proved another year older.  They wanted to sled alone and (almost) never broke a tear.  I mostly just got pictures of June because the other two wouldn't stop much to breathe it all in:).

So far, we've only really run out of coffee, and Dave marched the few city-blocks for two fresh cups.

The things is, it's been really beautiful.  But there has also been the usual work of life, the bickering, the lots-of-entertaining of the kids.  And the milk will run out, and the snow will get melty-messy, and life will go on.
And these patterns become more endearing to me as the years go on.  Because the contrast of life is incessant.  I write a blog like this because I tend not to give much attention to the beautiful without stopping to really peer into it.  But the beauty abounds.  And the messes mount again.  And it's all good, because it all leads back to Him, the source of all beauty and the redeemer of messy.
I'd be lost without Him, idolizing the wonderful (and being failed again by it)…..and crumbling under the life-messes.  He brings sustaining power to beauty and hope to mess.
And, Oh!……how we need Him.

So it's Monday.  And Dave's at work and the laundry has mounted and the leaky-roof-water-bucket needs to be cleaned up.
So here's to another *wonderful* *beautiful* day…..

Autumn Burned Brightly.

"Autumn burned brightly,
a running flame through the mountains,
a torch flung to the trees"
-Faith Baldwin

Although the rain has picked up and the leaves are all half-fallen, autumn has taken its sweet time here lately, rekindling my trust that it truly is the most gorgeous times of year….
The sun has started to hide its face more than not, but today I finally got the kids outside to take a few portraits while the colors remain. Truly, I even changed June into her dress and bonnet simply because I've wanted to photograph her in that bonnet for over a year now!  It is already quite small on her….
Her grandma made it for her last winter and I just love it.

But, anyway, because there so many (who knew?) wonderful quotes I've run across just lately (thank you, Pinterest)…..here's a few more.

“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” 
― L.M. Montgomery

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” 
― Albert Camus

“Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.” 
― George Eliot

“Autumn...the year's last, loveliest smile.” 
― William Cullen Bryant

Four + Thirty-Three + Six

Hello, and welcome to this catch-up-i've-been-elsewhere post.

In the last few weeks, we've celebrated three of my favorite people!
Fiiiiiirst up was Levi.  Mr. Four. We had a little 'camping' party for him.  I think the longest stretch my kids go playing on their own is setting up elaborate 'campouts' upstairs.  I think he had a good time being celebrated and having some friends over.  We love this little guy!

           

Next up, this fine, wonderful, I-can't-believe-he-married-me man turned 33.  We went for a rare brunch date on a beautiful day.....

....and had dinner outside with friends.....

....and Dave had two friends.....Dave and Dave.....fly in all the way from TN to go to the Vols game together:).  

Then, on Sunday, Eadie Cate made it to 6.  Year five has been so awesome.  The sweetness, the cuddles, the maturing.  I so enjoyed celebrating this little lady.

                

So thankful these three. So undeserving of their presence in my life.  

So many times I fail to love them well; so often I am blessed by them in spite of myself.

Four.

Levi James Everett, today you are four.

These pictures capture you so well, buddy.
....an almost-constant state of motion.  Somehow, the past couple of months have ushered out my ever-cautious boy and replaced him with something all-together-different. I'm loving it.
Kisses have become 'gross.' (though I find my way around that one).
All sticks are weapons.
Beds and tables are for jumping off.
Pirates, and treasures, and Legos abound.

Somehow, though, while you become more daring....you are also becoming more compliant, more self-controlled.  It is a beautiful thing. 

And I'm so thankful, to spend my days with you, watching you navigate these early years and navigating them, in my own way, with you.

We all love you millions.
(Really. I do speak for all of us.  Because I hear your daddy talk about you; and I know how Eadie Cate feels so strange when you're not around; and I see how June lights up around you.)
Happy fourth, big man.

Mother's Day. (Picture Overload).

For Mother's day, I asked Dave if he could snap a few pictures of me with the kids.  He took us on a walk to Silver Falls and then we all sat down in this little grassy spot for a while.  It seems so strange to have to my arms free in some of these pictures....just watching them all able to run around together....
....making daisy chains and racing and spinning in their daddy's arms....
....laughing and bringing me their flower collections......

It was dreamy.
But most days aren't all dreams and flowers.
Many days are full of chaos and lack of balance and awkward bouts of learning new things (on all our parts).
Many days, even in the midst of obvious beauty and blessing, I feel like I am running in place not sure where this is all heading.

Like I read this morning....

"Will my children make the right choices?  Will they become the kind of people I hope they will become?  Am I loving them enough?  Do I sacrifice enough?  Am I making huge parenting mistakes?  Am I making a series of small mistakes?  How will I know if I'm failing?  How will I know if we are going to crash?
...[But] I have new peace and new strength- and a new companion for the journey.  God is here with me in this beautiful everyday riot of my house and my heart.  He is with me as my redeemer, my sovereign, and also as a parent himself, a Father who has revealed his own tender, hurting, hope-filled heart.  I know now that parenting is not meant to paralyze me with guilt but to send me running freely to God.  Parenting is not meant to cripple me with insufficiency but to lead me to God's sufficiency.  Parenting is so much less about me and so much more about God!  This is God's holy enterprise- and wondrously, joyously, I get to be a part of it.  
Now I am able, even in the midst of the questions and delights of a parent, to return to the highest call upon my life:  to love God with all that I have and all that I am.  I hope to teach my children the same.  Together we can marvel at this sovereign God, this fiercely devoted heavenly parent, this loving, holy Father who will one day call us to live with him in his perfect, unending home." -Leslie Leyland Fields

It was really just so nice to observe and enjoy the kids yesterday.  In the same way, it refreshes me to know that I can enjoy this journey and internally rest in my sovereign Savior as I try to be their mom.

Eadie Cate, Levi, & June----you guys are more of delight to me than I could have imagined, more than I can say, and more than I even know.  I am so glad I'm your mom.  I love you!